Some of these are good and should be remembered and used, some are rude and arrogant, but mostly these are all quite funny.
1. “Is it the cigar smoke that bothers you, or the sight of someone enjoying himself?”
2. (The Response Literal:) “Put out this cigar? Seems kind of silly, but sure. Now wait a sec while I light another…”
3. (The Response Coy:) “I’d love to, but I’m afraid you’d think I’m easy.”
4. (The Response Ingenuous:) “What a coincidence! You’re the third person to ask me tha—oh, it’s you again.”
5. (The Response Juvenile:) “Who died and made you the Fun Patrol?”
6. (The Response Existential:) “What does it matter?”
7. (The Response Newlywed:) “Gosh, darling, our first fight. And just think, we’ll be able to repeat it every time I light up.”
8. (The Response Recidivist:) “My parole officer says it steadies my nerves.”
9. (The Lie Direct:) “I’m not smoking.”
10. (The Lie Circumstantial:) “Were I smoking, your request, however rude, might be worthy of reply.” Continue reading
If your cigar starts to burn unevenly, you might be able to get it straightened out just by rotating the cigar, but the method seems counter-intuitive. If you have a stogie that’s burning crooked, turn the cigar so the side that’s burning fastest is on top. It would make sense to turn the unburned end to the top since heat rises, right? Regardless of the seeming logic, doing so will achieve the opposite effect.
